Thoughts to Ponder....

Lately I have had a lot on my mind... pondering getting pregnant again, fears of the unknown, fears about myself, and about things going on in the world around me. In everything, God has blessed me with clarity. The clarity to see truth in so many situations and the strength to do what is RIGHT. I have always been a person of faith, and a person who stands by their convictions. Time and time again, I sacrifice scores of friendships, popularity, and positions of power in my unwillingness to conform into something I didn't believe in. My moral compass has always been steadfast, and for that I am truly thankful. God has blessed me with such strength and endurance. In Him, I can do all things. Whom shall I fear? Where can I go that He isn't there? 


Since the death of our son, I have taken stock of my life and of my decisions. I may have missed out on some opportunities in my youth, but I know that in doing so I have pleased my Father. I can no longer stand back and be subject to behavior against my own moral compass, against what God has commanded of me. Who am I to question His commands? I have dealt with much pain and suffering these past 5 years; but in pain, we are taught so much. It is when we are suffering that we are closest to God and the most receptive to his love and commands for our lives. Despite what I have endured, I see what good has come of it all. I am so strong, through Christ who strengthens me. I am so blessed.


I don't know my whole purpose for my time here on earth. I do know that I am to do what God commands of me. I do know that I am to love and to stand by what I know to be right in Him. I know that I am meant to teach my children the ways of our Lord. I know I am meant to bring His light to the world around me. Through my photography, my writing, my love, my faith and endurance, through my example, I am to be His servant and His hands and feet. I am honored in the ways He has chosen to use me, and I pray that He continues to do so. 


I have been blessed with so many people throughout this journey of mine. The ones who stand out are the ones of faith. I have recently been united with those of my past... all of whom know Him. Isn't it incredible how God places people in our lives years before their impact on your heart will be felt? Time and time again I am astounded by His love and grace and the intricacies of His plans. 


I am so thankful for this love, so thankful that someone as lowly as myself, has been blessed with His grace.


Dear Lord,


Your love is enough. You know. I believe, help my unbelief. Help me to trust in You always, and in all things. Help me to keep my eyes on You. Help me to love you with a purer, deeper, all encompassing love. Help me Lord to prepare, for what You've already prepared for me. Lord, make me a blessing to others. Use me for Your works... May Your will be done. Help me to see my life as you see it. Thank you for your un-ending love and grace. Thank you for all the blessings you have bestowed on me. You know my heart... it is enough. Thank you...


In Jesus name, Amen.