Today marks 27 weeks of pregnancy... And the fear is setting in. Two years ago, little did I know that this 27 weeks mark would be the last milestone I saw in my pregnancy. My Leo was born at 27 weeks and 6 days gestation. My prayers are to make it through this next week healthy and STILL pregnant.

Today marks 27 weeks of pregnancy... And the fear is setting in. Two years ago, little did I know that this 27 weeks mark would be the last milestone I saw in my pregnancy. My Leo was born at 27 weeks and 6 days gestation. My prayers are to make it through this next week healthy and STILL pregnant.

Wednesday is Leo's 2nd birthday. No party to throw, no race cars to wrap, no cake to frost, or candles to blow out. No blissful smiles or big belly laughs. My heart aches as each day goes by, knowing I'll never have these special memories with him.

.. To my sweet son, Leo...
Mommy misses you so much. It is almost your birthday and I can't help but wonder what you would be like if you were here. I imagine you are a busy almost 2 year old who smiles all the time. I see you playing with your sister and scheming with her as only siblings can do. Your little voice loves to tell stories and your kisses melt mommy and daddy's heart. My favorite time of day is bedtime, when we say your prayers together. We dance and sing throughout the day, the four of us so happy.

Two years without you feels like eternity already. Mommy remembers holding your tiny hand and kissing your soft forehead. Every beat of your heart resonates within me. If you were here, I'd try to hold onto you forever.

I know God had other plans for you, and He knows what's best, but I don't think my heart will ever be the same. I believe He has plans for me too, and that these wounds of love and longing are all part of things to come.

Please know mommy loves you today and always. I await the day I see you again, the day I scoop you into my arms, look into your eyes, and know all is okay. Thank you for carving me into who I am today. Though your footprints were small, their impact on my heart has been unmeasurable. Your light shines despite your absence, reminding me of how incredible this world truly is.

You are loved and missed my precious boy...

XOXO,
Mommy

Kellene Maynard, Photographer
(360)518-6837
www.bellaluciaphotography.com
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sent from my iPhone

Tears | Infant loss and awareness

Tears.
For the first time in awhile.
I miss my son so terribly.
Why didn't I hold his little body just a little longer?
I turn pages and pages of pictures of his precious face.
Tears I've held back for months are haunting me again.
New journeys lie ahead, and I'm fearful... How could I not be?
I pray for a peace that only Our Lord can provide.
I miss you little one... More than I could ever describe.
You will always be the missing part of my heart... Until we meet again.
Mommy loves you my sweet angel boy and loves you more than my heart can contain.

XOXO,
Mommy

Leo's Memorial Pictures From CarlyMarie | Infant loss and Awareness

CarleyMarie has been the mastermind behind The Grief Effect since 2007. 

I was fortunate enough to have her create a piece for Leo. 

Isn't it incredible? CarlyMarie is so inspiring. 

I too am still brainstorming ideas on how to help this community through creative work.

She is such an inspiration to me. 

The Eyes of Jesus | Infant Loss and Awareness

The Eyes of Jesus

I imagine the eyes of Jesus

Were harvest brown,

The light of their gazing

Suffused with the seasons:

The shadow of winter,

The mind of spring,

The blues of summer,

And amber of harvest.

A gaze that is perfect sister

To the kindness that dwells

In his beautiful hands.

The eyes of Jesus gaze on us,

Stirring in the heart's clay

The confidence of seasons

That never lose their way to harvest.

This gaze knows the signature

Of our heartbeat, the first glimmer

From the dawn that dreamed our minds,

The crevices where thoughts grow

Long before the longing in the bone

Sends them toward the mind's eye,

The artistry of the emptiness

That knows to slow the hunger

Of outside things until they weave

Into the twilight side of the heart,

A gaze full of all that is still future

Looking out for us to glimpse

The jeweled light in winter stone,

Quickening the eyes that look at us

To see through to where words

Are blind to say what we would love,

Forever falling softly on our faces,

His gaze piles the soul with light,

Laying down a luminous layer

Beneath our brief and brittle days

Until the appointed dawn comes

Assured and harvest deft

To unravel the last black knot

And we are back home in the house

That we have never left.

~ John O'Donohue from To Bless the Space Between Us