One year. One year without you in my life; in my arms. Tears still fall, pain still strickens my core. I walk from one day to the next, aching to ease the subtle grief that never seems to cease from lingering on my heart. Cuddling friend's little ones deepens my longing for you. I miss you. I think think back to the fateful day you were brought into this world, and still wonder why my life was spared and not yours. With every inch of my being I knew what was to come that warm July morning. Oh how terrible, and and comforting to know what was to happen in your final hours. I am blessed to have known you and blessed to have been your mommy, even if for only a little while. I cling to our moments together. The crimson scar I wear is a constant reminder of our short time together; its one of the only things I have. Your sister asks about you often; she wonders when we can bring you home. Swallowing tears is something I am adept to these days, as I remind her where you are. She always smiles and says, "Oh yea mommy, he is sleeping with the angels and the harps." I always wonder if there are harps... she always says it. I wonder what she knows and what she sees. She is my window into your resting place. I still catch glimpses of you in her sleeping face.
July 4, 2010
"I sit on my bed with your box of treasures. Opening the lid, I gaze upon the casts of your hands and feet. I forget how tiny you were in my palms. These tiny casts of your feet illustrate your incredibly small size. Tears fall as I hold the velvet pouch with your ashes. Closing the lid, I breath deep, and put your things back in the drawer. This communion we have, this remembering, is so precious to me."
I cautiously prayed about how to honor you as we approached the one year anniversary of your passing. Suddenly I was struck with the idea to ask others to participate in a name memorial. I wasn't sure what to expect, or if anyone one would be interested in being part of this special project. Boy, was I wrong. For 2 weeks now my inbox has been flooded with heartfelt words of love and encouragement along with images of your precious name captured by strangers who have been touch by the story of your precious life...
I am inspired by your strength to share and touched by your story, and Leo's. Thank you so much for sharing. You are amazing! As we were lighting the candles for one of these pictures, we prayed for Leo. Each and every one of those, so precious and unique just like him. I am awed by your strength and your faith. I have now been touched by you and Leo. i can't help but see him in everything. I just want to tell you that I think you have grown into a very strong amazing woman.I love you!! I'm hoping and praying many people come together to celebrate Leo. I LOVE this memorial Kellene, it's beautiful! My first time photographing letters out of things, I have wanted to do that for a long time, so glad this was reason for my first. thank you for allowing me to be a part of something so special.
How incredible God is! How astounding that again this precious story of your life is being used to touch others.
*If you'd like to read about my journey, click here and here to read a few poignant journal entries about those fateful days
Dear Friends,
I am so thankful that God put on my heart to share Leo's story. As I wrote the account of those fateful days, I was hesitant to share the full magnitude of my vulnerability with the world. I am so glad I did! As time has gone on, I realize how many people long to see how faith can change lives, even in the worst of situations. Being used to glorify God through this tragedy is so much more than I could ever have asked for and I am honored to have filled this role.
Thank you for remembering with me. Thank you for sharing in the life of my little boy and for allowing his preciousness to live on. Thank you for walking this journey with me; I am so thankful for you all!
In Memory of My Leo...
"Heaven is the place where he takes my hand, and leads me to You, and we both run into Your arms"
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